When you first sign up for a race, or for anything new, there’s a level of excitement. I can’t believe it! I’m finally doing it! I signed up for that event in spring 2026!
One of my friends recently completed a 50K (30+mile race).
Two of my friends have recently completed a half marathon.
Two other friends are signed up to do races soon. You can hear the excitement in their voices!
Full marathon, half marathon, some big long distance, I can’t remember the exact amount.
Anyway, I applaud them all! Whether they just finished or whether they’re committed to doing the event in a few months, the point is that they’re running at 30+ years old!
My friends are strong and admirable. If they signed up, they’re going to see it through, because that’s the type of people I surround myself with.
But here’s how it goes for most people…
Most people get excited that they just signed up for the event.
Then, tomorrow comes, and you’re still riding the high. You throw on your running clothes, lace up your shoes, and out the door you go! Running like a gazelle.
Even if you’re out of shape and have bad form, you’re still usually pretty excited after the first day out. You set a goal, you committed to it, and you took the first step!
That new energy, that excitement level might carry you through a couple days. It might carry you through a week or two. But eventually…
It wears off.
Maybe it’s a rainy day and dreary out? Maybe you slept like crap and don’t feel good? Maybe it’s after 10:15pm and you committed to writing on a daily basis and you’re still prepping the post?
You’re worn out, but you made a commitment. As the young kids say, you’re cooked!
But it’s in these moments, that your destiny is determined.
If you give up when the going gets hard, you’re just like everyone else.
Everyone can start. Everyone can say they’ll go do the thing. But…
Rare are the people who will stick with it through the rain, through the fatigue, through the exhaustion.
Rare are the people who will do whatever it takes, when no one is watching.
Rare are the people who will finish.
One of my favorite quotes comes from the book, “Shoe Dog,” the story of Phil Knight and the rise of Nike.
His old coach had a saying,
“The cowards never started and the weak died along the way. That leaves us.” – Coach Bowerman
When you have guests over, you prepare. You set the table. You clean the house. You might even check the driveway and porch to see how the entrance would look to a new arrival.
And as a guest, you may see a welcome mat. Something like, “Welcome” or “No Place Like Home” or “It’s a zoo in here!”
Here’s my welcome mat for you, “Welcome To The Mess!”
This morning, I was prompted to think about Jealousy.
As with most things in life, I prefer to keep a discussion about Jealousy at a theoretical level. I live the life of the mind. I love to keep things in the abstract, in the idea realm. Examine and analyze from afar.
There’s nothing wrong with being thinking-oriented. There’s nothing wrong with being an Enneagram 5.
The problem comes when you keep everything at the theoretical level, when you don’t ever delve into the soul. So today, we’re doing some soul-searching, and for some crazy reason, I’m inviting you into it. Let’s process together, shall we?
The Set-Up
When I was in high school, I struggled with some blatant sins: talking back to parents, idolatry, pornography, stuff we can cover another time. But since the Lord got ahold of me near the end of high school, I thought the worst of my sin life was done.
A harsh word here, an intrusive thought there, but nothing blatant. Nothing that other people would notice. Nothing that would “destroy” my life.
Most people, including you reading this, would probably say, “Omer is an upright and upstanding guy.”
I hope that’s what you would say. I strive to live that way.
But there was something deeper, something hidden, something sinister. A festering of sorts.
Jealousy at First Sight
During my first year of Bible college, a pastor told me, “Dylan, your struggle is with envy.”
I nodded and pretended to understand. But secretly, I thought he was off his rocker. We were in his office to talk about a mission trip our class was going on in a couple months. People had been very generous to me. I had more than enough for the trip due to people’s donations.
This was 20-ish years ago, so I don’t remember what the amounts were, but I remember it was a large sum. Maybe I had double the required amount?
I remember being excited and thinking, “This is great! Maybe I could put this extra money toward my tuition.”
That’s why the pastor and I were meeting. I was asking if I could use the additional funds toward my tuition.
He informed me there were other people who hadn’t brought in all their money yet. If they were going on the trip, my extra could cover them. Or, if theirs did eventually come in the final days leading up to the trip, then we would have a surplus that we could give to the people hosting us on the mission trip.
I don’t remember the full conversation verbatim, but I was young and dumb, so I probably said something like the other classmates should carry their own weight.
He said I couldn’t use the extra money toward my tuition; it would be going to the group mission trip. I was a little butt hurt. I thought since those donations were for me, I should get to use them as I wanted.
The pastor wasn’t mean about it; he was just so matter-of-fact, like he knew exactly what the problem was at the core of my being. And I was not so sure.
What did any of this have to do with envy? Was I a jealous person? Surely not.
What is the difference between envy and jealousy?
Envy is both a noun and a verb. The verb means: the desire to have something that belongs to someone else. Maybe its a possession, a quality, a trait, or other desirable attribute.
In other words, you want what someone else has.
Jealous is an adjective. Jealousy is the noun. It’s feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements. Or, being fiercely and protectively vigilant over one’s rights, possessions, or relationship. You might describe someone as a jealous lover, for example.
Envy is that desire for something else. Jealousy is a protectiveness or vigilance over what you consider to be yours.
So, envy and jealousy are similar, almost like two sides of the same coin. Longing and desire for something else, while being protective over your own.
How to Know If You’re Jealous / Envious
Fast forward to this morning, the diagnostic questions came flooding in:
Have you ever scrolled social media and marveled at how that person went on yet another vacation? Thought, “Must be nice. How do they have so much money?”
Have you ever seen another team win a game against your kid’s team and said, “I wish our son or daughter played on that team. We’re just sick of losing all the time.” (Football, not hockey)
Have you ever seen someone else’s success and said to yourself, “Why can’t that be me?”
Have you ever wanted to see someone else fail? Maybe not fail but, “I’d love to see them knocked off their high horse and be taken down a few notches?”
Um, “Yes.”
Yes to every single one of them.
Obviously, that’s a problem–a problem a pastor snuffed out 20 years ago, but I had no idea what he was talking about.
The terrible root of all these questions is insecurity and comparison.
Insecurity says, “I am not enough.”
Comparison says, “They are better.”
It’s a tough game of boomerang to play. It’s self-inflicting. It’s self-destructive. It’s internal.
It’s lack of gratitude for your own life. You’d rather have someone else’s life.
But does it even matter? It’s just an internal struggle, right?
Wrong. There’s a cost to envy.
The Cost of Envy
“Envy and greed always—always—exact a terrible price. I have never met an envious or greedy person who was at peace.” – Billy Graham
Envy steals your peace.
Envy steals the present.
No one else can see it. But you feel it.
“Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” – Proverbs 27:4
Every day, you feel it when you scroll.
You feel it when you hear someone else’s success. You feel it when you can’t do the same thing or have the same experience. You feel it when your bank account isn’t as big as their bank account, when your toys aren’t as nice as their toys.
They’re enjoying their life and you don’t enjoy your own.
You can’t stand it.
It’s soul-crushing comparison.
It’s a sick, festering, slow-working cancer.
How can you possibly experience joy when all your focus is on what you don’t have?
How can you possibly enjoy your life when you’re constantly wanting someone else’s?
It will steal the joy from every positive experience.
It will kill you from the inside out.
It will destroy the very life you’re living.
Envy is so deceptive, so sneaky, so sinister.
How Do You Handle Jealousy?
That’s what I’m trying to answer in this moment.
Writing it out and processing it has been helpful.
Inviting you into the mess has been helpful. At least for me, hopefully for you too. But if I leave us here in the middle of it, it won’t be helpful. So we need to figure out:
How do you handle jealousy?
Start with a list of gratitude. Recognize what you have.
Today, I have a computer to write on, classical music to listen to in the background, a lovely snow-globe outside while I sit in the warmth inside. I have an amazing wife, four amazing kids, and amazing friends.
I get to do amazing work every day.
I have food in the pantry. I have physical health, something I didn’t have for a few months this year. I have a comfortable chair and a desk to sit at or stand at.
I am abundantly blessed.
“Envy and greed starve on a steady diet of thanksgiving.” – Billy Graham
It’s been a beautiful autumn. It’s now November. My favorite holiday is just a couple weeks away–Thanksgiving.
A steady diet of Thanksgiving.
Today, Now, In This Moment, At The Time Of This Writing,
The problem isn’t lack of knowledge; it’s lack of wisdom.
We have no problem finding knowledge.
We live in the AI Age & Information Age. We can Google anything or use ChatGPT for anything. We can search Perplexity, Gemini, Claude, Grok, YouTube, and social media too. In a matter of seconds, we can know anything we want to know.
But so few of us know how to make sense of it all. Because to do that, we have to be able to disconnect, disengage, turn off, and step back. We have to spend long enough periods away from the digital to look at analog life objectively.
Unplugging isn’t easy. And neither is wisdom.
Let me give you a quick story to illustrate:
In 2023, I remember my kids shocked my wife and I by putting together a 500 piece puzzle. Two of them were still in grade school. I hadn’t seen them put together a puzzle since the 24 piece little toddler puzzles. And then they just did this 500 piece all at once!
Entering adulthood is a bit like this. We’ve done 24 piece puzzles, learned the subjects, passed each grade, and graduated. Then maybe we finished college, became adults, got married, and all of the sudden life throws a whole new dimension at us.
We have to grow up fast. The bills aren’t paying themselves. The trash needs taken out. The meal needs prepped. The floor needs swept. The laundry needs folded.
Basically, the chore isn’t getting done without us doing it. The paycheck isn’t appearing without us showing up to work.
That’s just the simple stuff.
Then you learn about mental health and emotional health, and how your spouse uncovers that she has a lot more baggage than you originally thought, and you realize you have a lot more baggage than you originally thought. Can I get an amen?
Then add a pet or a kid or a couple kids, and you’re trying to go from a 24 piece puzzle to a 1000 piece 3-D puzzle and asking yourself, “What the hell did I just get myself into?”
You’re getting into real life, my friend. And there, you’ll start to learn real wisdom too. It’s a wild ride!
I’ve been marinating on Proverbs for awhile. Twenty years, at least.
The first time I read the book of Proverbs, I was in high school. It rocked me, because it seemed to speak to a hundred different situations I was facing.
I’d read something that stuck, try to apply it that day, come back the next day, and do it again. It was invigorating and a top tier challenge as a teenager.
Three other books rocked me at that time. They were Matthew, John, and Ecclesiastes.
Matthew because I never had heard such amazing teachings. Some were life-giving, some gentle, some confrontational, and they all came from a guy named Jesus.
John because I saw Jesus again, but in a different light. His I AM statements seemed awfully convincing and his Last Discourse blew my mind and heart.
Ecclesiastes because it seemed like the post-conventional wisdom Proverbs. I felt like the author was reading my journal and writing my perspective.
We’ll get to those another time. But, back to the topic at hand, the Proverbs. So pithy, so memorable, so practical.
A Chapter Per Day Keeps The Doctor Away
In fact, the guy who led our youth group / small group read the Proverbs every single month. He’d read one chapter a day and when the month ended, he’d start again. 31 days in most months, 31 chapters. Perfect fit.
To his credit, he was one of the most successful guys I knew at the time, and his wisdom showed. He was probably late 20s, maybe 30 when he led our youth group, but when he spoke, it felt like you were listening to a 60 year old.
He was fit and active, he had a beautiful wife, they had just started having kids, and he had a well-paying job for a Fortune 50 company. I thought this guy had it all. And when I heard he read Proverbs every day, I said,
“Self, you’d be wise to do the same.”
Now, I’m not as regimented as him — or maybe I just like to read more broadly — so I haven’t read a chapter of Proverbs every day for the past 20 years. But, I have read the book of Proverbs at least 20 times, aka once per year. There’s more to the book than meets the eye.
Call me crazy, but I think there’s ancient wisdom from 3,000 years ago that could be applicable to us today.
It’s been applicable to me, foundational to my development as a man. It’s been foundational to my approach to life. It has helped me as a husband, as a dad, and as a friend.
So we’ll dive in over the coming days, weeks, months ahead. But I won’t write about Proverbs every day. As I mentioned, theology is just one of the buckets. There are four other buckets of goodies we’ll explore: family, business, design, and learning.
The Wrap
For today, that’s enough on Proverbs. Just a set-up. You have to start somewhere.
Maybe it’s a good enough cliffhanger that there’s 20+ years of marinating as a backdrop. And the more you read it, the more years of wisdom it gives you.
Is there anything you’ve thought about for 20+ years?
Have you met any of those folks that seem to be twice their age in wisdom?
Omer Redden 