46 Reasons You Might Not Like Christmas

Christmas is a complicated time of year for many folks, myself included. For years, I struggled with Christmas. I was a literal Grinch. All kinds of reasons: family complications, food issues, unfulfilled wants, crazy people, religious reasons, money troubles, work reasons, loneliness, loss, and grieving.

Some I felt more than others. Some in this list, I’ve never experienced, but I know many who have.

Here are 46 reasons you might not like Christmas…

Family Complications

  1. Did your parents ask you to pick out what you wanted in magazines and catalogs, then not buy any of those things that you picked?
  2. Did your parents complain about all the money they were spending and make you feel guilty for wanting something?
  3. Did your parents complain about all the time spent traveling or going to other relatives’ homes, but still did it anyway?
  4. Did your extended family not get along at the holidays?
  5. Did you have to visit way too many relatives and barely get to spend time with any of them?
  6. Did you only visit one family that you didn’t like and had to spend an entire week with them?

Christmas Crazies / Fanatics

  1. Maybe you don’t like hearing the same Christmas music every year, but you’re surrounded by people who love it for 45-60-90 days and play the same dozen songs on repeat?
  2. Maybe you don’t like crowds or parades, but the holidays tend to bring people out of the woodwork?
  3. Maybe you wanted the house to stay chill, but other people in your house wanted to blare the Christmas music, hang an obsessive amount of lights, have the Hallmark movies on around the clock, and were just generally festive?
  4. Maybe you wanted to take the Christmas tree and decor down sometime between Christmas and New Years, but others insisted it stay up until mid-January or even February?

Food Issues

  1. Do you not like certain foods, but your family makes the same ones every holiday? Or you were expected to eat it just to not be rude?
  2. Are you gluten free or Celiac, but people in your family don’t understand? Other allergies that no one can ever seem to get right?
  3. Do you struggle gaining a lot of weight around the holidays and then struggle to shed any that you gained?
  4. Do you have an eating disorder and its really tough to hide at the holidays?

Unfulfilled Wants / Desires

  1. Did you get what you “needed” but not what you “wanted”?
  2. Did you receive gifts, but not actually get to use them? Or they broke or were lost shortly thereafter?
  3. Did you have to wait in really long lines or when you went to fill in your purchase info, the item you wanted was suddenly out of stock?
  4. Did you have to take things back that didn’t fit, but then couldn’t get the same thing in your size because they sold out?
  5. Did you have fun parties at school with your classmates, but then lame “parties” with your relatives?
  6. Did you want to travel for Christmas, but could never afford it?
  7. Did you want to sleep in when you were older, but everyone else in the house wanted to be up at 6am?
  8. Did you want to decorate, but your parents didn’t? Vice versa?
  9. Did you want to do a special family event out on the town, but your family didn’t want to ever leave the house on the day of Christmas?
  10. Did you want to make even more Christmas desserts, but your family said you already had too many treats?
  11. Did you expect to get invited to a certain party around the holidays, but didn’t? Did you see everyone else looking happy at the holidays, but you were sad and depressed, and maybe even jealous of their happiness?
  12. Did you see everyone else getting what they wanted and hearing how extravagant their Christmas was, but yours was measly and didn’t even feel like a celebration?

Religious Reasons

  1. Maybe you aren’t a Christian and you think Christmas has been an overly Christian holiday?
  2. Maybe you are a Christian and you think Christmas has become an overly commercialized holiday?
  3. Maybe you are a stickler for historical accuracy and you know that Jesus probably wasn’t born on December 25th?
  4. Maybe every time you see the manger scene, it makes you edgy because you know most of them aren’t accurate to the timing of events? Or they look too serene when it probably smelled like a barn?
  5. Maybe you rarely go to church, but there’s an expectation to go as a family to a Christmas Eve service and you feel uncomfortable every time you have to go?

Money Troubles

  1. Is money super tight, but you feel like you have to / need to / want to buy for people?
  2. Are you happy to spend in November and December, throw it all on a credit card, but then forget that those bills will come due in January and February?
  3. Are you a hesitant buyer, always afraid that you’ll miss the best deal and the prices will raise again?
  4. Do you live on a budget, then lose all self-control when the Black Friday and Christmas countdown deals start?

Work Reasons

  1. Do you work in retail or hospitality industry, so you don’t actually get the holiday off?
  2. Do you work for an industrial or service based company that has 24/7 shifts so you have to work at least part of the holiday or be on call so you can’t actually relax?
  3. Maybe you don’t like giving presents to certain people (teachers, co-workers, employees), but you feel obligated to do so?
  4. You didn’t get a Christmas bonus you thought you deserved?
  5. You got fired or let go from your company around the holidays?

Loneliness, Loss, and Grieving

  1. Are you lonely on the holidays? Sick of not having a date or partner for festivities?
  2. Do you have a handicapped family member or a declining elderly family member? Every day is tough, but especially the holidays? You want to spend time with others, but you also have to tend to those needs?
  3. Did parents get in fights or a family separated around the holidays?
  4. Did someone break your heart around the holidays?
  5. Did you lose a pet around the holidays?
  6. Did you lose a loved one around the holidays?

What To Do About It

If you’ve had to experience any of the loneliness, loss, and grieving around the holidays, my heart goes out to you. Money troubles or work reasons, those are tough too. All the reasons above are tough in different ways. Some seem lighter than others.

But they’re all legitimate reasons for not liking Christmas. And they all carry different levels of pain, frustration, annoyance, or heartache.

As you start to face your struggles with Christmas, you have a few choices. You can double-down on your anger and frustration. You can become more bitter, more cynical, more calloused.

Or, you can start to work through your challenges. You can journal about it. You can talk to a trusted friend or counselor. You can choose to embrace new behaviors, make new habits, start new traditions. You can honor those you lost, while moving forward with those you still have.

You can surround yourself with Christmas crazies and see if just a little bit of their cheer doesn’t start to wear off on you.

You can become a big-time giver. To the poor, to the needy, to the disenfranchised, to the down and out. You can volunteer at a shelter or soup kitchen. See if that doesn’t change your perspective!

Christmas can be tough for a myriad of reasons. I’m not downplaying the pain and the heartache.

I’m simply encouraging you to look at your problems with Christmas head-on. See if, like me, your Grinchy heart can’t grow a little.

The Resistance

No one will read it.

It’s too late.

If you were going to take this seriously, you should’ve done this 10 years ago.

You should’ve written fiction instead.

You’re an imposter.

No one actually likes your writing.

Why don’t you give up already?

You’ve started a lot of books, but you can’t finish one anymore.

You don’t know how to market well enough.

You don’t sell well enough.

You will never sell as many copies as [insert big names].

Why even try?

Why do you waste so much time on this?

It is a waste, isn’t it?

Your words don’t make a difference.

Your words don’t help.

You’re delusional.

No one cares.

You still don’t make a living from writing. Do something that will actually make money. Do something that will actually pay bills. Do something that will take less time.

AI can write better than you.

AI can write faster than you.

No one reads your style of writing anyway.

Why aim so high?

Just give up.

Just quit.

Everything you’ve done sucks. The books. The blog. The posts on social. They all suck. They’re terrible. You know why? Because you suck. You’re terrible.

God doesn’t care whether you write.

You think God actually cares about you?

I’ll be back again tomorrow.

Doubt says those things. Fear says those things. The Resistance says those things.

Every.

Single.

Day.

Friday Night Fiction (Part 3)

Foster home carousel. That’s how her life started.

Birth mom was an alcoholic. Birth dad was a drug addict.

They couldn’t take care of themselves. How could they possibly take care of a baby?

In a matter of weeks, the baby wasn’t “their baby” anymore. She was someone else’s baby. Then she was someone else’s new baby every six months.

Five years in, and her extended family couldn’t handle it anymore. Couldn’t handle seeing her on the carousel, so they filed for custody. Within a few months, they swooped her up and took her home.

The relationship started strong. Her older sister was excited to have a new, younger sister. Someone to care for.

Her older brothers welcomed her, but they were disinterested.

At least for the first year…

When You Fail As A Parent

We all fail as parents at some point. Maybe it’s once a year, maybe it’s once a month, maybe it’s once a week, maybe it’s once a day, maybe it’s a few times a day. I’m writing this post to help empower and enable you. I don’t want you to fail more at parenting; I want you to fail less.

Here’s the kicker: I think your failing moments as a parent have a lot less to do with your lack of self-control in the moment and a lot more to do with your kids’ lack of self-control in their season of life.

Let me set the scene:

Identify The Problem

Your teenager has been told 3 times to go do their chores. But they’re doom scrolling on their phone or enamored with the video game, not paying you any attention.

  • The first time, you said it kindly with a please attached.
  • The second time, you said it with a bit more volume, firmer, but still under control.
  • The third time, you said it with urgency, tenacity, and maybe with a threat attached.
  • And now, you’re about to escalate to screaming if it hits a fourth time.

Here…

This moment…

Hit pause! This is what I want to talk about.

You’re working 5-6 days a week, maybe even pulling extra hours just to pay for their activities, their devices, their livelihood. You’re making dinner. You’re doing the laundry. You’re doing the dishes. And all you’re asking them to do is one simple chore. You are not in the wrong here.

Asking your kid to feed the dogs?

Put up the chickens and get the eggs?

Grab their dirty laundry from their room and bring it to the washer?

Maybe they unload the dishwasher and you reload? Maybe they also reload?

(Insert easy peasy chore here.)

Consider The Variables

First off, good on you for bringing in an income and supporting your family.

Second, good on you for actually having your kids do some chores.

Third, let’s consider the variables.

You are working your tail off and your kid is being lazy. You have set boundaries and your kid is pushing the boundaries. You aren’t resting and sitting on the couch, doing nothing. But your kid is.

And they have the gall to ignore you or back-talk you. These are the variables.

Now, let’s look at the broader landscape.

Your Years of Developing Self-Control

When us millennials were growing up, we had a few variables that were different than kids these days.

  • We had TV and radio, but everything had commercials, the selection was limited, and your TV couldn’t travel with you. You might have 8 channels if you were on an antenna. You might have 100 channels if you had a Dish. But you had a limited selection of videos, a limited selection of channels, and a limited selection of stations.
  • We had video games, but they weren’t connected to the internet. They were solo, individual, play-at-home only consoles. You might get to play them on the weekend, maybe some extra in the summer-time. But you couldn’t take them with you on every car ride or bus ride. You couldn’t talk to your friends while playing them, unless you had them over to hang out or have a sleepover.
  • We didn’t get internet until grade school or middle school. When we did, it had built-in limits. You only had a certain number of hours you could use each month (via AOL or NetZero). Or, you had parents who wanted to make sure their phone lines were open, so they didn’t let you use more than 1 hour per evening.
  • We didn’t get cellphones until we were in high school. We had to call people on the phone, justify why we were calling to our friend’s or girlfriend’s parents. When we finally did get a cellphone, we probably didn’t get one until we had our license, aka 16. These phones didn’t have internet access. Texting was a pain in the butt. The only game was “snake.” And you really didn’t take pictures either.
  • We didn’t have social media until we were in college or early adulthood. I remember setting up a Facebook account during my first year of college if that tells you my age. And it was only Facebook for awhile. There wasn’t Instagram, TikTok, Threads, etc.
  • Very few of us had parents who worked from home. We had to make our own snacks and make our own meals when we got home from school in the afternoons.

Do you see some differences?

We had to grow in responsibility from an early age. We had to learn how to talk to adults. We weren’t constantly connected to the internet or social media. We had built in limits and built in deterrents. We didn’t have half as many technological distractions.

Your Kids’ Lack of Self-Control

Here’s the problem, plain and simple: Your kid has no self-control because they have no boundaries or limits.

  • Your kid has 24/7 internet access.
  • Your kid can take TV or music with them anywhere they want, with nearly unlimited options.
  • Your kid has multiple social media accounts.
  • Your kid has games that are connected to the internet.
  • Your kid can interact with other kids and never have to interact with their parents.
  • Your kid probably has a cell phone before 16.

If we would have had all those things, from age 2 or 3 (when most parents start giving their kids a device as a pacifier), we would have had the same problems.

Our kids have a lack of self-control because they’re kids! This should not be a surprise to us!

But what should surprise you is how they have zero limitations and restrictions. There are no deterrents, no delays. Unlimited distractions, unlimited access.

So here’s what you need to do.

What Parents Need To Do

We, as parents, need to create the restrictions, the limitations, the deterrents, the delays.

We, as parents, need to take control of the devices.

Set limits. Take devices away for periods of time. Have screen-free days.

Again, I think your failing moments as a parent have a lot less to do with your lack of self-control in the moment and a lot more to do with your kids’ lack of self-control in their season of life.

If you’re working, paying the bills, making the meals, doing a decent amount of the chores, you’re doing things right. You can be frustrated if your kid isn’t listening and making a small contribution to the good of the home.

You can be frustrated that your child has no self-control. Chances are, they don’t have self-control because they haven’t had to learn restraints and restrictions. You haven’t set boundaries and limits for your kids.

  • If you pay the bill for the phone, you have the right to take away the phone.
  • If you bought the Kindle or iPad, you have the right to take away the device.
  • If you pay for the internet, you have the right to turn it off at a certain time each night.

There’s your boost of empowerment.

You have the right (and dare I say, moral obligation) to set the limit and set a healthy boundary for your kids.

They won’t grow, develop, or mature, unless you set up an environment for them to do so.

How To Be A Full-Time Author

I know people who make a living from their writing. A couple are fiction authors; a couple are nonfiction authors; a couple are freelance writers. Right now, I am not one of those people.

I want to be one of those people.

My Quest to Become a Full-Time Author

Actually, I plan to be one of those people. So, I asked my friend some questions.

Two things stuck out to me:

  1. It took 11 books to be full-time. 6 to even be noticeable.
  2. The daily expectation is 2500 words.

Did your jaw drop? Mine did.

Immediately, I compared that to my current state: five published books on Amazon. Two in progress. Not quite halfway there in terms of number of books.

Then, I compared the word count. Abysmal.

My friend is a fiction author, so more words are needed. But I didn’t put anything out into the world for a couple years. I wrote for clients. I wrote for personal reflection. But I didn’t write like this — something personal, that I published, for the intention of helping people, people like you and a person like me.

Thousands of Us Want to Be Full-Time Authors

An old friend reached out to me because his son thinks he might want to write for a living. A couple parents have reached out to me because their daughters like to write fiction. A couple other parents, who write childrens’ books, have reached out to me because they know I helped my daughter publish her book. A couple pastors have asked me about the process, trying to decide which routes to take with their book ideas.

I try to help them, give them tips, set expectations.

  • We all want to be New York Times bestselling authors from the start.
  • We all want to sell tens of thousands of copies and make a living from our writing.
  • We all want to grow rich from our words.
  • Your first book will probably suck. But you’ll learn a ton and you’ll get better.
  • Only a few are willing to put in the work that it takes to be a full-time author.
  • There is no shortcut.

Full-Time Authors by Genre / Types

My friends doing this regiment now were doing it long before they were full-time. They were doing 2500 words in the margins of life, before everyone woke up or after everyone went to bed. They might get a 20 minute break where nothing was scheduled and go crank out a couple hundred words, then dive back into the expectations and normal day routine.

Childrens’ book authors don’t need 2500 words, but they need multiple series mapped and published. They need a plan to market the books and get into schools, homeschool groups, and libraries.

Nonfiction authors might not need 2500 words, but they need 750-1000 per day. They need consistency and probably 6+ books to make meaningful money. Or, they need a profitable business on the backend and the book serves as a simple lead magnet to prospects on the frontend.

Fiction authors, we know what you need already. 2500 words a day. 10+ books.

Freelance writers, the expectations are shifting dramatically these days. You might need big-time clients who are committed to human writing not AI substitutes. You might need to become an in-house writer for a content magazine. The pickins’ are gettin’ slimmer.

By now, the point should be clear though: you must be consistent.

You have to treat it like a job, not like a hobby.

Last, but certainly not least, you have to be good.

If you put yourself to sleep, you’ll put your readers to sleep.

Are you discouraged yet? Or are you determined?

Both?

Me too.

Helpful Resources for Full-Time Authors

  • On Writing Well – William Zinsser (or anything by him)
  • Bird by Bird – Anne Lamott
  • Something to Say – Rob Bell (audio)
  • A Million Miles in a Thousand Years – Donald Miller
  • Hero on a Mission – Donald Miller
  • The War of Art – Steven Pressfield

What Is A Mastermind?

What a “mastermind” is not!

The term “Mastermind” is so loose these days. Every little community, every little Facebook group, every gathering, big or small, is called a “Mastermind.”

It’s a load of crap.

It’s overused.

A mastermind is not a huge gathering of people. That’s called a crowd.

A mastermind is not a Facebook group. That’s a Facebook group.

A mastermind is not a community event. That’s an event.

If there are people I wouldn’t want in the group, it is not a mastermind, it’s a gathering.

Where did the term “mastermind” start? What are the key components of one?

The term “Mastermind” first came from Napoleon Hill’s Laws of Success. Then, he expounded on the idea even further in Think and Grow Rich.

In the books, he defines it as:

  • an alliance of two or more people
  • who are going to coordinate their knowledge and efforts
  • to work toward a specific purpose, toward a definite chief aim
  • in a spirit of harmony.

When this alliance of people come together, they create a sum that is greater than their parts. They create an invisible force, a sort of higher energy, a form of intelligence that exceeds the individuals.

As for scheduling, the mastermind needs to be structured and repeatable.

How can I create my mastermind? Does it have to be in-person?

Your mastermind can be in physical time and space, or it can be visualized and created digitally and/or in your imagination. Let’s cover each one.

Ideally, you can get in-person with the people you want in your mastermind. If they’re local, maybe you can get together once a month. If they’re spread out all over the country, maybe you can get together once a quarter or every six months. If they’re all over the world, maybe you can get together once a year.

But here’s the deal: if you have huge dreams and huge goals, you might be craving a mastermind that is beyond your reach. You might not be in the room with your ideal people yet. You might not have the money or the means to get in the same room as Tony Robbins, Tom Brady, Stephen King, or huge names like that.

But you have two other tools at your disposal. One, everyone has. It’s called imagination. The other tool, no one in human history had until just the past few years. It’s called A.I.

I’ll create a separate post on how to build a digital / A.I. mastermind. But I think an imaginative mastermind can be just as strong. Here’s what that looks like…

How to use your imagination to create a mastermind

If I was assembling a true mastermind, it would go back to the Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich idea. It would include some people who are alive and some people who are no longer on this earth.

The guiding question is: Who do you visualize at the table?

Imagine you’re sitting at your dinner table early one morning, no one else awake. You’re sitting at one end, and you immediately start filling in each seat with your favorite mentors along the way. They are guests in your home, sitting at your table, ready to discuss a specific problem and work together toward a cohesive solution.

Here’s my mastermind…

For marketing:

  • Perry Marshall
  • Dan Kennedy
  • Russell Brunson
  • Dan Koe

For writing:

  • Donald Miller
  • Anne Lamott
  • William Zinsser
  • Rob Bell
  • Bob Dylan

For Christian thought:

  • Philip Melanchthon
  • Charles Spurgeon
  • Origen
  • C.S. Lewis

I’m sure there are more. But if I get to organize a mastermind, those people are definitely getting the invites.

Then, I can pose a question to them and see what they say. I’ve read enough of their books, spent enough time with their content, that I can predict how they would look at the problem. I can guess how they’d start to guide me toward solving it.

Next Step

Come up with 3-5 areas of your life where you could use a mastermind. Then, write out who would be in your own group. Then start sending invites if it’s going to be an in-person mastermind.

Or, start putting time on your schedule to sit at the table and visualize with your mastermind.

You can thank me later.

Learning the Impact of Music

What is the impact of music on our lives?

This is a question I’ve been pondering lately. Here are a few thoughts, works in progress, if you will:

Music with Restraint

Had to talk with two of my kids about how we need to tone it down on the rap music. We can only listen to clean rap in the car as a family. Especially with a precocious two year old listening and parroting almost every word he hears.

Is there a time for some edited Kendrick Lamar and Eminem? Don’t get me wrong. But even edited, there are some things a 2-year old or 14-year old shouldn’t be singing along to. Sad day to hit pause.

New Music with Wordplay

This new shift came at an opportune time! This week I’ve listened to two new albums from two of my favorite clean rappers, Connor Price and NF. Amazed at their abilities. Marveling at their wordplays.

Timeless Music with Harmonicas and Solos

In my early adult years, I fell in love with Bob Dylan’s music. So raw, so honest, so edgy. The harmonica plus the guitar. Wow!

I also enjoyed John Mayer, Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds with their wild guitar solos, electric or acoustic didn’t matter to me. I air-guitared all of it!

Old Music with a Mood

Over the weekend, I was the DJ for a hockey game. The playlist was set up for me by the team manager. It had some great hockey jams and throwbacks. The refs commented how much they liked it and I saw people in the stands dancing, all ages.

Ancient Music with a Mood

Just read about David in the Bible and how he had such a vibe on the harp. He was recruited, recommended, known throughout the land as a great performer. So much so that the royal officials brought him into the palace to play for King Saul. How soothing the best harpists are! Mmm, mmm, good.

And how about a few of those Psalms he wrote? I can’t imagine some of those on harp or lyre.

Study Music

Then there’s Chopin, Beethoven, Mozart, and all the great symphony style masters. Hans Zimmer and movie soundtracks. Explosions in the Sky. I listen to that music on the daily as I work.

Other-Worldly Music

Then I came across this work called Quartet for the End of Time by Messiaen. Such a wild ride. Bizarre. Beautiful. Awe-inspiring. It’s 50+ minutes long and I haven’t even finished it all yet. The story behind it, though — it will blow your mind.

The Role of The Performer

I know a few people who have tried to start a band or start a music career, only to end it a couple years later.

I know another who has played for 20+ years, toured the US and beyond, and just recently retired.

I know a couple others who still play “recreationally” into their 70s and 80s.

Some guys and gals have ghostwriters, but do such an incredible job performing it, you’d never know unless you dig for it.

Others write all their own lyrics and music, and you can feel it.

The Role of The Listener

I’ve barely scratched the surface of all the music I listen to.

Music is such an amazing gift.

Whatever your style, whatever your vibe, whatever the occasion calls for…

Enjoy it, embrace it, get more of this good stuff in your life!

It heals the soul.