Rain and Relationships. Let’s do some foundation work, shall we?
Rain
The skies poured down for over 24 hours. Heavy rain in the night, steady rain in the morning, still steady into the afternoon. A pipe burst in the heavens, and it just kept coming.
We have an old house, lots of history, lots of character. But the basement is more like a cellar basement than a fully livable basement.
When your house is over 120 years old, you know it was built solid enough to survive year after year. But you also know it’s going to need to some maintenance and t.l.c.
You can’t just sit idle with it, or it will deteriorate. Hang on to that thought.
After this much rain, the basement walls are struggling. The house isn’t going to fall apart any time soon. But there are a couple spots letting in small bits of water. And water in a basement is no good.
Sure, the floor slopes to allow proper drainage. Sure, the dehumidifier is running 24/7. But you also have to squeegee and wet dry vac it on these extra rainy days.
As soon as it dries out and you’re out of “survival mode,” you also need to buy some rubber sealant and get those areas fixed. You don’t want more water coming in the next time it rains.
Am I speaking to you yet?
It’s hitting me.
Relationships
All this basement and foundation and drainage work isn’t only about a physical structure; it’s about a marriage, parent-child relationships, any friendship, any relationship.
Life brings rain. In baseball terms:
- You might be timing your pitcher, then he throws one big change-up your way and it throws off your timing. He might throw a curveball and you’re all out of sorts.
- You may have the rule of threes strike and you’re going down swinging. Feels like you’re out. Walking to the dugout hanging your head.
- You may have a whole month slump where you can’t even see the ball straight and all kinds of tragedy gets you out, again and again.
You may lose three loved ones in a year. You may have an engagement broken off. You may have a car wreck. You may lose a job. You may lose a pet. You may have a bout of depression. You may be crushed with grief. Who knows?
But we all know this: life brings rain.
And sometimes it doesn’t let up for days.
Rain & Relationships
You may have an old relationship, a well-worn, well-lived in, well-acclimated relationship that has lasted through decades of intermittent storms and rain.
But if you aren’t checking that foundation, if you aren’t checking for cracks, if you aren’t squeegeeing and wet-dry-vac-ing that thing out when flood-worthy rains come, then you’re going to have standing water.
You can’t just sit idle with it or it will deteriorate.
The longer it stands, the tougher it is to deal with. The longer it stands, the more work is required to get to the bottom of the issues in the relationship.
If you let those issues and water stand too long, you’re going to get mold.
If you let mold grow, it’s going to ruin the place.
From the inside out, your relationship is going to be ruined.
Because you didn’t tend to the small cracks, the tiny fissures, you let little bits of water in.
Because you didn’t deal with the little bits of water, they accumulated. And when big rains came and exposed the cracks and fissures even more, you were letting in bigger amounts of water.
Because you didn’t deal with it as the big rains kept coming, you’re now standing in a mess. Muck boots on, up to your knees.
You have to work on the immediate drainage problems in the basement of your relationship. Get the current water out of there. Whatever it takes to get it to drain and dry out.
But when the rains stop and the ground dries out, you’re also going to have to work on the long-term drainage problems.
How will you repair the cracks and fissures of your relationship?
How will you improve the foundations of your relationship long-term?
Interior vs. Exterior Work
Likewise, you can’t just do interior work. You have to do exterior work.
You have to figure out how to get the rain to drain further away from the house. You may have to get an excavator and have it graded better or trench it out.
You may have to clean your gutters, add leaf guards, repair a roof?
Something usually has to be fixed on the exterior as well as the interior.
How will you improve the exterior for your relationship?
How will you get proper outside drainage set-up so it doesn’t come into the basement of your relationship? Is it parenting issues that need a different remedy because they are now affecting your marriage? Is it a negative friend clogging your drain with all their junk and garbage? Is it negative co-workers you’re letting ruin your view of your job that then you bring into your marriage? Is it in-laws?
What is it on the exterior that is further exacerbating the problems on the interior?
Is it the content you consume, shaping how you think about your spouse? Is it the conversations you have and how much you disclose with others? Is it the words you use that shape your perception of all kinds of events?
What kind of crap happened outside the current friendship or relationship, but then came into the friendship or relationship?
I don’t have all the answers.
I’m learning.
If you have found any answers, please share. I’d love to hear it.
And I know we’re all still learning all the time, so I hope this helps you as we travel this path together.
Omer Redden 