Before you become a parent, you have all kinds of judgments of other parents, don’t you?
I did.
When I’m a parent…
- I won’t let my kid throw a fit like that.
- I won’t let my kid throw food or spit out what they don’t like.
- I won’t let my kid watch TV.
- I won’t give my kid a pacifier that fell on the ground.
- I won’t let my kid pull their sibling’s hair.
- I will, for sure, put them on a schedule. None of this eating at obscure times, napping whenever they want, waking up whenever they want.
Then you have a kid and all hell breaks loose.
You aren’t sleeping because the baby isn’t sleeping. Some days you’re up at 4:32am some days at 7:22am, some days at 9:03am. Bedtime could be 6:30pm, it could be 10:48pm. How on earth did that happen? You’ll let them take a nap whenever, just in hopes that you can get one, so you don’t walk around like a zombie.
Your kid won’t eat at 6:30am when everyone else is, but is crying from hunger at 7:40am when its time to leave the house. Then is hungry for lunch at 10am on Tuesdays but won’t eat lunch until 2pm on Wednesday. The kid started throwing handfuls of Cheerios for the dogs at snack time. They also throw their drink cup and pacifier on the ground to clear off everything!
You take them down from the table, they’re mad about it, and you tell them to put that dirty pacifier in their mouth, and tell their sibling to watch them so you can get this mess cleaned up.
The older sibling is back-talking you and doesn’t want to watch the toddler. The toddler pulls their sibling’s hair, just for fun to see what response they’ll get. You think, “Yeah, serves the big kid right. I wanted to pull their hair too. I’m glad the toddler did it for me.”
Later, you take all your kids to the store to buy more Cheerios and the cute little monster decides it’s time to throw a fit and humiliate you in front of everyone. You’re mad, burnt out, and feel like a dunce.
When you get home, you turn on baby Einstein and set the kid on the couch in front of it to unload the groceries.
You sit down exhausted, wishing it was nap-time and it’s 5:54pm on a Wednesday. Maybe I could just fall asleep for the rest of the night?
You’re reflecting on the day and realize, I just did it all:
- Threw a fit
- Threw food
- Watched TV
- Gave a dirty pacifier
- Pulled sibling’s hair
- No semblance of schedule
And suddenly the realization hits, “Yep, that’s me. I am that parent I always judged.”
…
First, be honest with yourself. We’ve all been there.
Second, realize you don’t have to stay there. The trick is to get beyond that point, to get better as a parent. Less fits, less pulling hair, less TV babysitter, less food throwing. The toddler should mature gradually and so will you.
Third, give yourself grace in the process.
It may take you 2 years. If you have multiple kids stair-stepped, it may take you 5-8 years and you’re trying to get progressively better with each one. It just depends. Remember though, it’s a quick phase. Baby stage goes fast and toddler stage goes fast too.
Get out of diapers, get out of strollers and car seats, then you experience a massive exhale.
When you enter the next phase, you enter a whole new world with whole new challenges. More on that another time.
Omer Redden 